Even the scariest rides at Walt Disney World are really about telling a story. Sometimes that story moves fast, swirls upside-down and leaves you breathless, but it’s a story nevertheless. And you’re an educated, fully grown-up type of person, one who can quickly examine the laughing, happy crowds of people exiting the attraction and conclude that there is no real danger here.
A giddy thrill, perhaps, but no more. But only daredevils and teenagers know no fear. Even the most experienced Disney World adventurer have their secret shame, and these are the fears provoked by the scariest rides for parents at Disney World.
Scariest Rides for Parents at Disney World
Fear #1: Disappointing the Kids
EXAMPLE: Space Mountain (Magic Kingdom)
“Mommy says she won’t ride Space Mountain with me because of her bad neck,” my daughter reported one day when I walked in the door, many years ago. Her eyes danced accusingly. “Will YOU?”
And with that, the moment I had been dreading was upon me. I played it cool. I said of course I would. Our Disney trip was days away, she wasn’t going to forget. Like many people who did not visit Disney as a child, the idea of riding a roller coaster in pitch darkness was just absolutely bananas to me. There was certainly mortal danger in the blackness and I wanted nothing to do with it. Thus far my wife had fallen upon the sword of the daredevil daughter, but it was my turn.
There was no way around it. I was more afraid of disappointing Baby Bear than I was of Space Mountain. But what was to be done? I will let you in on a little hack that broke the spell and let me keep my cool. A quick and easy search on YouTube revealed a number of posted videos made on Space Mountain running with the lights on. The secret was out and the spell was broken. Which is odd, because in the light it actually looks like you’re being fed into a massive wood-chipper, but it worked for me and I hope it works for you too!
Fear #2: Aversion to Inversion
EXAMPLE: Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith (Disney’s Hollywood Studios)
There are actually two things you might fear on this ride. One is the dead-certain fact that your children will have no idea who the pleasant old men are in the video that plays in the queue, and it always makes you feel old explaining things like who Aerosmith is. That, however, is more of an existential crisis on your part than an actual ride fear. You’ll be okay.
No, the thing that makes Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster one of the Scariest Rides for Parents at Disney World are the inversions, which is scary-ride-speak for going upside down, and doing so very fast. There are no two ways about it, super-stretch limousines are not meant to travel down the freeway in this position, and it is scary no matter how many times it happens.
What’s that? Oh, it happens three times; two rollover loops and one corkscrew. You won’t really have an opportunity to analyze the difference because you’ll be too busy screaming. But here’s the thing about that… the revelation that will allow you to lead your party onto this ride like a Boss: The inversions happen almost immediately. Before you even know what’s happening they are over, and the rest of the ride, while fast and sometimes dark, is easy as pie after that. You got this.
Fear #3: In Space, No One Can Hear You Barf
EXAMPLE: Mission: SPACE (EPCOT)
Sometimes the fear that follows us is the loss of dignity as much as anything else, and if you have a delicate constitution at all, you are right to be afraid of Mission: SPACE. It’s a bad sign when a ride has a barf bag. Not to mention a “Light” version of itself for those averse to motion sickness. Mission: SPACE has two tracks; Orange which is described as “a thrilling simulated NASA-style mission to Mars” and a Green track, which lets you “orbit the Earth on a more gentle ride through space”. The Green track used to be a less-queasy version of the Mars mission, but it was still too much of a vomit comet and was throttled back even more.
If you are in any way prone to motion sickness, I strongly recommend that you give this one a pass. Your fears are well founded.
Some of you were probably expecting this to be about the storytelling masterpiece that is the thrill coaster Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind (also at EPCOT), and the rumors are true, some people experience nausea after riding that ride, and some of those people never get nauseous ever, while my wife, who is sick for hours if she so much as watches us ride Mad Tea Party is 100% fine on Guardians. It’s a mystery. But Do NOT rob yourself of the super-fun experience of Cosmic Rewind. Dignity is only worth so much.
Fear #4: Terror is Right in the Title
EXAMPLE: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror (Disney’s Hollywood Studios)
You will never find a more perfect example of how Disney storytelling transforms something simple into an extraordinary experience than The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. As a kid, in every two-bit theme park we visited, it seemed there was always a ride that would strap you in, run you up into the sky and drop you to certain doom, with all of the artistry of jumping out and yelling “Boo!”… and then Disney came along and made it something beautiful.
Photo by WDW Magazine Photography Team
Inside and out of the Hollywood Tower Hotel there are easter eggs and call-outs to episodes of one of the most beloved television anthology shows in history, and the eerie happenings of a dark and stormy night years ago. It all builds suspense, rather than abject terror. The real thrill is in the corners of your imagination. The ride on a chronically underserviced elevator as it drops and races back into the sky again and again is one you will never forget and one that you have no need to fear. Go for it!
Fear #5: Imminent Death, Swimsuit Malfunction
EXAMPLE: Summit Plummet (Disney’s Blizzard Beach Water Park)
I love a good water park, and Disney’s Blizzard Beach and Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon are two of the very best. I do not, however, love the Summit Plummet, one of Blizzard Beach’s star attractions.
This clearly insane “tallest, fastest freefall body slide around” taps into two equally potent fears: The fear that the only logical result of plunging 12 stories is certain death, and also the dread of losing my bathing suit in the process. Both seem equally horrible and have me ready to proclaim this “ride” my own personal very scariest!
Photo by Laurie Sapp
No matter how many attractions you check off your list, there’s always something to add to your own list of the Scariest Rides for Parents at Disney World. Challenge yourself and discover new magic, next trip and every trip!
